Another Legend Is Gone
The Kidd is back. There is no more guest blogging to take my undivided attention away from you any longer, and, as a result, I have returned with a vengeance… I hopefully have returned with a few more fans as well as some pretty strong exposure, so we’ll see where this slight detour may have taken us.
I really don’t know what’s been going on over the last week. Between Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson, it’s really been a crazy time for losing some very well-known names. However, over the weekend, another legend 
added his name to the list, as famed TV pitchman Billy Mays died on Sunday at the age of 50. Just a few days ago, you could have found him on any channel at any time of the day trying to sell you the latest thing you probably didn’t need, and now… KA-BOOM… he’s no longer with us. I stopped paying attention to the guy once he started hocking insurance to people, but, before that, if this guy and his crazy beard were on TV, I was watching to see what he had to say. The Kidd even had his routine down cold – yell a lot, point some, give a thumbs-up, and hit your price point.
Further tests are needed to be precise with the cause of death, but, according to the medical examiner, it looks like it was a heart attack that did the trick. It’s a shame that CPR or a defibrillator couldn’t bring him back, but I’m sure if there had been some Mighty Putty hand, we wouldn’t be having this discussion. That stuff could apparently hold anything together, so this would have been the perfect time to test it out on someone’s health… don’t you think?
Billy Mays, you will be missed. Without you, I have no idea what I can look forward to watching at 4:30 in the morning, when everyone goes to paid programming. Rest in peace, and… ooohhh… look… knives that can cut through some tin cans and a boot… that’s totally necessary and very practical. Where’s my credit card? wait… what was I saying again…? Oh, yeah… let’s spray some OxiClean on this segment to clean it up, so we can move on.
Former Playboy model, reality TV star, and Hugh Hefner’s ex-girlfriend Kendra Wilkinson got hitched over the weekend to backup Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett at the Playboy Mansion.
This just proves that when nothing else is going on, The Kidd will report on just about anything.
In other news, there were undigested pieces of corn in my… hey… what’re you doing…? Stop trying to take this keyboard from me. This is all breaking news…
I tried to tune in and watch the BET Awards last night, because I was curious to see what type of tribute would be paid to the passing of Michael Jackson. Then I remembered that Jamie Foxx was hosting, which also caused me to recall just how annoying I think that motherfucker is to begin with. And, as much as I love you all, I just don’t hate myself enough to force my way through it, so sorry… I just couldn’t do it. I had to change the channel and watch something else far less irritating, and let me tell you… you’d never believe the things they air on C-SPAN these days. Incredible.
Speaking of award shows, this coming year, the Oscars have announced that they will go to ten Best Picture nominees instead of the five we have grown accustomed to. This will force all of us who think that a particular movie got snubbed, like “The Dark Knight” or “WALL-E” to shut the fuck up, merely because they threw us a bone by at least putting them up for a nomination while their chances of winning still remain somewhere between slim and none. Either way. there still can only be one winner, so this really just means more losers… but at least more losers we enjoyed. Baby steps, I guess.
A movie based on the Smurfs has been in the pipeline for sometime, and it looks like that one will now become a reality. Columbia Pictures has a release date of December 17, 2010 set in order to bring these little blue bastards to the big screen in a CG/live-action mix that’ll be sure to have you praying that this is nothing like the Scooby-Doo and Alvin & The Chipmunks pieces of shit we have had to endure in recent memory… oh God… this can be that bad, can’t it? Fuckin’-A!!! 
Can’t they for once not fuck up one of these awesome cartoons from my childhood when they try to make a movie out of it? Doubtful, but we have to remain hopeful that someone will get it right finally… probably on that Snorks movie that no one gives a shit about, because only assholes liked the Snorks.
In a rare change of heart though, here is an instance where The Kidd actually would like for them to go ahead and make a prequel, so we can learn and understand just how the Smurfs came to be. I mean, we all know there was only one female Smurf in the whole bunch of them, Smurfette, and she was probably a slut… how else do you explain the entire Smurf population? So what better use of computer-generated animation is there than to show some blue-skinned whore giving it up to the forever-creepy Papa Smurf… especially since The Kidd has also learned the movie is going to get the 3-D treatment? Now we’ll really know if Smurfette’s carpet matches the drapes, right…? And see what kind of tits she has going on under that dress… and… what…? You have no interest in seeing any of that…? Ummm… me neither… I was just putting out there what we can expect from all those sickos out there and their Smurf porn. Disgusting. Are you sure we don’t want to see that…? Okay… then they repulse me, too. Blah!!! Let me know if we’re changing our mind on that though, okay?
Finally, The Kidd is a bit disappointed at a lot of you that ran right out to see “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” I try to do my best to see a lot of these things early, so that I can recommend good quality entertainment for you to spend your money on and warn you to stay away from the things that will essentially steal away tiny pieces of your soul while making you dumber just for watching them. Unfortunately, some of you just feel the need to experience the pain yourselves, so you can bitch and complain about it later. Last week, I told you to stay away from “Transformers 2.” But did any of you listen to me…? Nooooooooo…. In fact, $112 million worth of you saw it over the weekend, with $201.2 million in total being brought in since it opened on Wednesday. What does 
that mean? Well, it means that this piece of shit is probably on the way to becoming the worst reviewed $400 million-grossing movie ever. That’s just sad, and it’s made even worse by the fact that it seems a lot of you are split on how you received the movie. Half of you enjoyed it, in which case I might just have to stay away from you, because your retardation could be contagious, and I’ve got enough problems to deal with that I don’t need to be welcoming that into my life. The other half of you ran right through my stop sign, only to learn on your own just how awful it is, with its lack of plot and overabundance of idiotic and annoying characters. It is almost as if people have just come to accept that a movie with big special effects and explosions can’t have a worthwhile story to go with it, and that’s no fuckin’ good. You can blow shit up while putting forth a quality movie… especially in the summer… especially if it’s a blockbuster. “Iron Man” did that… once again, “The Dark Knight” did that. You won’t find people arguing that those movies were complete brainless or that they sucked. However, in the future, let this be your warning that The Kidd knows his shit and knows just what the fuck he’s talking about, so if I tell you not to see a fuckin’ movie because it’s bad… just trust me on it, because I am doing it out of love, not because I am trying to get some secret all to myself.
Sorry for the blog hitting so late today. I got behind on a few things, and here we are. So enjoy it now as it is, and I hope you had a good weekend, and also enjoyed my recent appearance over at Celebrity Smack!, as those people never knew what hit them… and they’re probably better off for it, too.
Until tomorrow…
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