Perhaps it was all just one big coincidence... or maybe it wasn’t. Either way, yesterday marked the first headline appearance of Robert Pattinson here in The Kidd’s blog, and it just so happened he was almost run over by a cab while running from a hoard of crazed “Twilight” fans. As a result, and also because I believe that anything worth doing is worth doing right, Robert Pattinson will

now make his second headline appearance in my musings. Wow, two days in a row... does anyone know what time the bus passes through where Pattinson is today?

Pattinson was filming for his upcoming movie “Remember Me” in Manhattan yesterday, which took place inside the Strand Bookstore. According to RadarOnline, he had been inside most of the morning shooting his scenes, as his wild pack of Team Edward formed outside. A team of five security guards were trying to fend off a crowd of teenaged girls when Rob was leaving the bookstore. It was pouring rain as they tried to hustle him quickly across the busy street to the safety of his trailer. Some of the teen girls were hysterical and Rob rushed across the road. As he did so, a taxi grazed him. The cabbie slammed on his brakes as soon as he realized what had happened. It appeared to hit him in the hip. He stood there for a moment looking stunned. The bodyguard next to him checked if he was okay and then screamed at the fans, “You see what you did, you almost killed him!”

That is some serious love going on there that his unbelievably sick fans care for him so much that they would chase him in front of moving New York City traffic. Of course, they also still believe that he’s a real vampire who can’t die and who is incapable of being harmed by high-speed taxis, so I’m sure they don’t see the big deal. He’s actually really lucky that he was able to walk away, relatively unscathed, because had he hit the ground, all of these “Twilight” idiots would have been biting on him, hoping to taste some of his vampire blood in the hopes of

becoming vampires themselves... but, then again, that might also happen because they’re always hungry, considering the average “Twilight” fan is about 65 pounds  too fat.

One would hope that this would serve as a lesson to this maniac girls, but that’s probably not the case. If they couldn’t learn that a movie isn’t automatically good just because you enjoy the novel it’s based on, then there is no hope for them to ever get anything... including laid, unless it’s by another “Twilight” fan, which just makes the whole problem even worse. This guy is in some serious danger with these girls tracking his every move, which is a shame for him, but not necessarily for those of us who hate “Twilight.” The Kidd learned from a similar situation once, when I smacked nicole Eggert in the face with my wang years ago. Who, you ask? Exactly. The damage had been done, and she was never heard from again. Bless her heart. But I at least took away from it to not chase people into the path of hard objects... even if you think they might like it, which she did. That black eye proved it.

What is going on with Morgan Freeman? The National Enquirer that he’s been having a near-incestuous affair with his 27-year-old-step-granddaughter E’dena Hines, which prompted the divorce from his wife Myrna. “Myrna said E’dena told

her that when she was a teenager, she and Morgan went to dinner at a friend’s house one evening. Both had been drinking, and when they returned home, Morgan attempted to have sex with her. They stopped just short of having intercourse... Nobody thought anything of it, because she would be introduced as his ‘granddaughter.’ It’s not technically incest, because they are not related by blood... Morgan is trying deperately to keep his divorce out of open court so all the shameful facts won’t become public.” Well, you know what they say... prison does strange things to a man, changes who he is. In prison, a man will do anything to keep his mind occupied, including thinking about banging his step-granddaughter and considering how to make that happen. What...? Morgan Freeman was never in prison...? What do you consider “The Shawshank Redemption”? Because I consider it close enough. Carry on, Morgan Freeman. Pay no attention to these fools. The women just throw themselves at you, related or not. I understand. You’ve got freckles, my man. With that kind of power, I’m surprised you haven’t been banging more chicks that aren’t your ex-wife, like your great aunt.

Page Six is “reporting” that Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan hate Jon and Kate and all of their eight, due to the fact that their exploitation of an entire family is stealing all of the headlines, robbing them of the spotlight their panty flashes usually command. “Lindsay and Paris hate not being on the covers of

weeklies. That’s why Lindsay has been causing so much havoc and pulling these antics. And why Paris had a big blow-up with Doug Reinhardt.” I almost feel sorry for Paris and LiLo, so let me suggest a solution to their woes - SEX TAPE!!! Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Lindsay can pass out from her signature cocktail of cocaine and Red Bull as Paris goes down on her, only to stop in order to answer her cell phone in the middle, completely filmed in night vision. That’s hot. And, since The Kidd shares an common interest with them both in my hatred of Kate Gosselin and her whole family, I’d like to volunteer my services to shoot the whole thing. Where’s my camcorder?

Speaking of sex tapes, Leighton Meester has one now, too. Now normally I wouldn’t know who Leighton Meester is, because I don’t watch “Gossip Girl.” Come on... like you really watch anything on The CW. However, the term “sex tape” just sends off alarms in my brain, even when someone else is saying it... in another state. Upon realizing that Leighton Meester was hot, I felt the need to do some real journalism, since this is obviously important, and look into this matter further. The tape has being purchased by Celeb-Hotline.com, and features Meester getting on with her boyfriend of a few years ago. Plus, she delivers a footjob, so for those of you into that, this is your lucky day. Frankly, The Kidd is no longer surprised when one of these celebrity sex tapes get leaked. You’d have thought by now these people would stop recording themselves doing it, but I guess if it

worked to make Kim Kardashian a star, it can work to help anyone’s career. If only the strategy worked for everyone else... I never heard of an accountant scoring the big promotion, because a video is out there of him nailing some chicks from behind. I’m sure I’ll see the video when it comes out, because I can. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I refused to watch a sex tape that was out there. Really... I’m putting myself through it for all of you, so consider yourselves blessed. Of course, I’m still waiting for the first-ever celebrity cumfart cocktail video to get leaked. Look it up... you might be waiting a long time for it to ever happen, too. But, when it does, that’ll be REAL news... none of this standard missionary sex stuff we get all the time now. Booooooooooring.

Just when we thought Screech’s douchebaggery would be what was holding up the complete “Saved By The Bell” reunion on Jimmy Fallon’s suckfest of a show, we were all completely wrong. It’s Tiffani Thiessen, minus the Amber, who is putting the kibosh on this whole thing coming together. A source tells Us Weekly, “In her mind, a reunion would remind audiences she hasn’t done anything for years. We’re trying to get her to do it because it would actually be great for her career.” Yeah, because we’re already totally not aware

of the fact that she hasn’t done anything in years. Just get on the stage, and let the fans enjoy the celebration that “Saved By The Bell” deserves. Mark Paul Gosselaar is willing to go full-blown Zack Morris, and you don’t want us to know that, other than some seasons of “Beverly Hills, 90210,” you haven’t been in high demand. Man, she may have been hot, but we should have all known that Kelly Kapowski was a bitch. After all, she did dump Zack for that college dick Jeff at the Costume Ball. Remember, Tiffani... A-12 was sacred, until you fucked everything up. Sorry, everybody. Sometimes this stuff just makes me emotional. I need a tissue.

Apparently people have stopped seeing M. Night Shyamalan’s new awful shit, so, in order to keep a roof over his head, he’s looking into revisiting one of the few movies he made that people kind of liked - “Unbreakable.” Shyamalan recently told MTV, “I don’t know where all the parties are in the world. Sam (Jackson) is like ‘Mr. Comic Book’ now. And Bruce, I don’t know what he’s up to. I don’t know where Disney’s at in their head and what kind of movies they’re up for making. But yeah, I love that movie.” Now, I’m no Disney executive, but I’m pretty sure they’re up for making movies that make money and don’t suck, so I guess anything written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan is out. That’s too bad, since “Unbreakable” is the one and only movie he ever made that The Kidd thought was good... oh, and about half of “Signs.” I wouldn’t expect Bruce Willis to be a part of this, as he tends to be somewhat choosy about some of the roles he takes on, which is surprising, since you’d think someone with standards that high wouldn’t make some movies that bad. However, you can be sure Samuel L. Jackson will sign on for this immediately. That muthafucka will make anything.

Shia LeBeouf is no liar, as it looks like he was telling the truth about another installment in the Indiana Jones franchise. Producer Frank Marshall took to his

Twitter to let everyone know “The story for Indy5 is progressing. It is still in the research phase.” As for what that actually means, no one knows, but we can only hope it refers to the research needed in order to pretend The Beouf’s Mutt never existed and the research necessary in order to get George Lucas legally removed from this whole idea. Marshall also added to Empire magazine, “It’s really about the script. Once we see that, we’ll see. We’re not going to wait another 20 years. We had a great time making the last one and, as Harrison said, we need to make this one soon. We’re not getting any younger.” There were plenty of rumors surrounding the 4th Indy, and none of them wound up being true, as we got stuck with aliens and their crystal skulls. We can only hope they revisit some of those rumored ideas... you know, the cool ones... and we can go from there. Besides, this one can’t possibly suck worse than the last one, can it? Can it...? Oh God... it can.

The Kidd has given up. It’s pretty clear that Hollywood is just going to go through their entire history and remake each and every single fuckin’ movie ever made, because what we really need are doubles. Well, another one bites the dust, steamrolled by the remake express. “Teen Wolf” is the next classic to fall victim,

as Moviehole reports that Warner Bros. is currently looking for a writer to update this piece of awesomeness from the 80’s. Michael J. Fox in high school as a werewolf that uses his transformation for the forces of good, leading his basketball team to the championship while trying to get laid by the hot blonde who only gets aroused by his furry alter-ego and dangerously surfing on a van while his friend Stiles is behind the wheel trying to put together a plan to buy beer for all the underage kids...? Man, this one definitely got robbed of an Oscar that year. Sounds like a movie right up Zac Efron’s alley. Yay for us.

If you enjoy big blockbuster movies with loads of cool special effects and John Cusack, check out the new trailer for the upcoming movie “2012.” If you don’t enjoy big blockbuster movies with loads of cool special effects, then you might just be a Communist. And, if you don’t enjoy movies with John Cusack, well, you might just want to go ahead and kill yourself. I mean, really... what’s your purpose?

Enjoy your weekends. I’ll be ringing in my first Father’s Day as an actual dad with a few rounds of golf and some Yankees baseball, as given to me by he wife and son. Happy Father’s Day to all you fathers out there. For one day out of the year, people actually have to pay attention to you and listen to what you have to say.... finally.

Also, remember to check out Celebrity Smack! all next week, as The Kidd will be serving as their guest blogger, filling in for their usual head writer Spicy as she heads off on a relaxing vacation. This blog will remain a fully operational battle station all week long, but you’ll be treated to a double dose of Infamous if you make your way over there for a few days as well. This should be some fun, as those people are in for a real treat... probably some shock and awe, too... but that’s mostly in treat form.

Until next week...

Have a pleasant immediate future.

Peace.