Someone Please Stop Russell Brand From Making Movies
If you’ve seen anything featuring Russell Brand thus far, then you’ve seen enough of Russell Brand. As funny as “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” was and still is upon repeat viewings, The Kidd finds it harder and harder to get through it, with Brand’s performance getting more grating and annoying each time. Good thing Mila Kunis is in it to help keep my sanity, or I totally would have dished out one serious ass-beating to my TV the last time his face popped on-screen. Then, of course there were his back-to-back gigs hosting the MTV Video Music Awards, which pretty much killed any chance of me ever watching that horrid affair again as long as he’s fronting it. Who wants to watch some asshole ramble for five minutes every single time he needs to introduce someone? Not this guy. And “Get Him to the Greek” has me torn this summer, as my desire to see Jonah Hill be funny is in civil war within my brain with my reluctance to see Russell Brand play the same fuckin’ guy from “Sarah Marshall” that had me ready to get medieval on 
my 27 inch. Unfortunately, it doesn’t appear that the Russell Brand movie parade isn’t going to stop anytime soon… which sucks. You’d have thought after he lost himself in Katy Perry’s boobage that he would have found something better to do with his time than steal screen time in movies that would better be suited for others who are more talented, funnier… did I mentioned more talented? As a result, there’s no stopping the planned “Arthur” remakeBrand will be starring in, as he pisses all over the role originated by the late Dudley Moore. Awesome.
The Hollywood Reporter reports that Jason Winer, director for ABC’s new breakout hit “Modern Family” has been tapped for the “Arthur” remake. And considering that’s the only real significant piece of work he’s done thus far in his career, forgive The Kidd for not getting too excited about this director getting behind the camera with Russell Brand to redo a flick that was Oscar-nominated for Dudley Moore’s performance and for Steve Gordon’s writing. Oh, and the original “Arthur” did capture a Best Supporting Actor Academy Award, so… yeah, there’s nothing like going forward on remaking an Oscar-winning movie with fuckin’ Russell Brand in it!!! What’s next, huh?? “Gone with the Wind”…?!?! This can’t end well at all. In fact, I don’t even want to talk about this fucker anymore. First, Katy Perry… and now this…?? Next…
Because “Cop Out” turned out to be such a tremendous effort in the buddy cop genre (how’s THAT for laying on the sarcasm thick…?), someone thought it might be a great idea to make yet another buddy cop flick, but this time with a cast even more annoying than one with Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan, with some Seann William Scott on the side. How is that humanly possible? Well, this one stars Ashton Kutcher and Jamie Foxx… and that’s a bingo. According to Pajiba, Kutcher is set to produce “Streets on Fire,” with designs on starring in it as well, right next to Jamie Foxx, who I wish was on the bus with Russell Brand, the 
cast of “Jersey Shore,” and Lady Gaga that I’d love to drive off a cliff. Seriously… Jamie Foxx might be the only other actor I can think of that would cause me pause in deciding who to punch in the face first if matched up against The Kidd’s other hated actor Will Smith. Ashton Kutcher might actually be in a close running for third place, meaning if I have to see “Streets on Fire” down the line, I might have no other options but to end it all by blowing my fuckin’ brains out. Oh, and I haven’t even gotten to the cliched plot yet… so let me do so, but let me warn you in advance… it might cause you to blow your fuckin’ brains out just reading it, so please proceed with caution. It’s about a straight arrow Chicago cop with anger issues (Foxx) who teams up with a brash and cocky one (Kutcher), and the two ‘become anything other than friends.’ They stumble into a gang of killers intercepting the city’s drugs, and reluctantly agree to work together on the case, only to find out that the vicious gang is actually made up of dirty cops.” Still with me, or were those gunshots I heard from your place? Of course, there’s a lot of people (okay, only a few) pointing out that the script for ‘Streets on Fire” was on the 2009 Black List, which features the best unmade screenplays in any given year. But, to that, The Kidd would like to state for the record: if a script is THAT good, what’s it doing with Jamie Foxx and/or Ashton Kutcher anywhere near it? I rest my case.
With “Wanted 2″ unwanted by her, Angelina Jolie is moving onto other projects that will probably be better, because a sequel to a stupid movie can only be dumber. “Gravity” is on the way, and she is currently shooting “The Tourist” with 
Johnny Depp in a film sure to make all genders get aroused at some point. However, that’s not all, with Jolie a busy woman these days, because 19 kids clearly isn’t enough of a workload. Angelina is in discussions with director Darren Aronofsky to star in “Serena,” an adaption of the 2008 Ron Rash novel, according toThe Hollywood Reporter. “Set in the rugged mountains of 1929 North Carolina, ‘Serena’ follows a man named George Pemberton and his new bride, Serena, as they create a timber empire. Serena not only takes to the woods, but she also pushes her husband to commit more and more ruthless acts. When she learns she cannot bear a child, Serena sets out to murder the son her husband father illegitimately.” That’s some pretty dark material, which shouldn’t be a surprise for Aronofsky, as The Kidd will take notice of anything he’s a part of, especially “Black Swan,” which he finally wrapped on. I’m not too sold on Jolie in another period movie as the overrated “Changeling” did nothing but provide excellent material to nap to. But, once again, with Aronofsky at the helm, one can’t help but be a bit curious. The story does have a bit of a “There Will Be Blood” feel to it, which is another positive, because I could drink that movie’s milkshake all day long, as I hold it was a far better movie than eventual Oscar winner “No Country For Old Men.” “Serena” is currently in search for financing, but The Kidd can’t help but believe the dollars will come soon enough. Shit… if I had some loose change, I’d easily toss it into the pot to make a Darren Aronofsky/Angelina Jolie collaboration. What else am I going to do with that money anyway? Porn’s free on the internet, so that’s just one less expense to help free up some cash. Hmmm… sounds like a future in producing could be in the cards for The Kidd.
Once again, if you enter our “Brooklyn’s Finest” trivia contest, check to see if you made our list of winners. You wouldn’t want to miss out on catching a free flick with The Kidd, because you weren’t even aware that you were cleared to go… and believe me, it’s happened before, so make sure it doesn’t happen to you.
Also, enter our newest contest for passes to see the advance screening of “She’s Out Of My League” in Miami. The Kidd is curious to find out who you consider to be out of your league, and, if you show us, we might have some tickets to send your way.
Don’t miss out on The Kidd’s first-ever Oscar Challenge. Pick more winners correctly than The Kidd, and, in defeat, I’ll be starting off your summer with a package of awesomeness. Once again, this contest is NOT limited to our South Florida fans, as we’ve got some good stuff in store for those of you all over the place who are brave enough to take up The Kidd’s challenge.
Finally, don’t forget… there will be NO new episode of Infamous Radio on Wednesday night. But there WILL be a special edition of the show on Sunday night, starting at 7:00 pm EST, as The Kidd and crew do a special Oscar pre-show for 60 minutes, filled with our predictions, potential upsets, and more. So mark your calendar to tune in for our special Oscar coverage before the ceremony, and our running commentary during. You’ll start to see signs of that on the site shortly.
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Until tomorrow…
