Speidi Might Be Back, Now Proving There Might Be No God
The Kidd is almost tired of writing about these two douchebags, but sometimes I just can’t help myself. It’s almost too easy with their retarded behavior as they whore themselves out in just about every way possible to stay in the spotlight. Well, congratulations, assholes, you have managed to maintain the ridicule 
of The Kidd for another day. However, I make a vow to you now, unless Heidi Montag is molested by a pack of killer deer or Spencer Pratt develops some sort of tangible talent, I will no longer be wasting any of your time or mine talking about each and every stupid fuckin’ thing that they do. At this point, it’s like I’m just picking on a couple of retarded kids… which, don’t get me wrong, can be tons of fun, but it’s kinda gotten old.
It appears that Speidi might just be back on reality television sooner than we had hoped, which means any day before forever is just too quick. After reports that they had quit NBC’s greatest idea yet, “I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!,” it appears that may not be the case. According to the always-groundbreaking source of journalism, Access Hollywood, Spencer Pratt has been begging the network to allow Speidi back onto the show. However, according to the rules of the show, they cannot come back unless the rest of the cast agrees. In addition, Heidi’s sister Holly, who definitely qualifies as a celebrity… about as much as my pubic hair… might be joining the show in her place with Daniel Baldwin, another one of the not famous Baldwin brothers, taking Spencer’s spot. However, according to MTV News, their rep told the non-music-video-playing cable channel, “Heidi and Spencer are still in the jungle and part of the show.” In fact, Spencer even took to Twitter, forcing me to question my participation in the site, to speak about their desire to be on the show. “The devil fooled Speidi into making an awful decision and we are praying to Jesus to get NBC to give us another shot to redeem. We’re praying to Jesus that NBC forgives us for being quitters! Quitters never win and a winner 
never quits!” Well, whoever thought that Spencer Pratt would give The Kidd the religious awakening he so needed. At this point, I would like to announce my religious affiliation as moving from following the teachings of Jesus Christ to worshipping that Coke machine in the mall that always eats my dollar. I’ve already learned so much, so why not make the jump now that I know where Speidi’s allegiances lie. Ialways figured Jesus loved everyone… except Spencer and Heidi, so, if they’re in, then I’m out.
In addition, does anyone really care whether they are on the show or off? The fact that they have already quit and then unquit a show that’s for charity like 19 times already should be enough. Besides, do you really want to get another chance to a pair of idiots who claim they were fooled by the devil? It’s obvious they’re lying, since collectively Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are the devil. How else do you explain them being famous? Other than them blowing someone? Exactly… I’m out of explanations, too. Here’s to hoping that NBC turns down their request, and they become so depressed at the rejection that they kill each other in a simultaneous murder-suicide. Listen, I don’t normally condone murder or suicide, but, in this case, it’s necessary. Don’t you want to kill the devil… or at least someone who probably talked to the devil… or maybe just dressed up like the devil on Halloween? See… I knew you’d come around.
Who is this Lady GaGa chick? I know she’s some kind of singer, but I really try to make it a habit not to pay any attention to unattractive women who walk around in broad daylight in their underwear. Well, anyway, she wants to nail the Jonas 
Brothers. “I love the Jonas Brothers, they’re very talented. I met them once. I’d like to have a foursome with them.” And people wonder why the Jonas Brothers are celibate and don’t want to have sex, probably ever. If Lady GaGa was one of your options, you might just be more likely to cut your dick off than have the slightest chance it might fall into her creepy vagina or ass or mouth… well, the last one might be okay, but only if they’ve been drinking. I wouldn’t touch Lady GaGa with your wang… of course that’d be a bit strange and awkward to be holding your junk in the first place, but that just further demonstrates just how serious I am. Normally, I’d be all for endorsing the gang-bang of a dirty slut. After all, if I’ve learned anything from porn, it’s that that’s how sex really works. But an orgy featuring all of the Jonas Brothers doing Lady GaGa? Come on, man… I just ate. The Jonas Brothers are pretty big stars these days anyway. I’m sure they can do so much better with finding something more acceptable to put their dicks in… like an electrical socket or a tank of piranhas. I just hope they remember to incorporate some spanking, especially for the socket. I hear they like that stuff.
Now that Winona Ryder is back after a role in “Star Trek,” we just can’t get her to shut up. It almost makes me miss the days when we had forgotten about her. Apparently she is in talks to reprise her role from the original “Heathers” in a never-asked-for sequel that will probably be titled something totally edgy and 
creative, like “Heathers 2.” She tells Empire, “Whatever you hear, there is a sequel in the works. I swear to God. But for some reason the writer Dan Waters and director Michael Lehman don’t want to talk about it. I’ve been wanting to do a sequel forever. There is a story, and Christian Slater has agreed to come back as a kind of Obi-Wan character.” This is some amazing news to The Kidd. After his show on NBC got cancelled about three minutes into the first episode, I never thought anyone would ever employ Christian Slater again. And, as an Obi-Wan character? Didn’t we have enough of that in the prequels? Because, if you are trying to get me excited about seeing another “Heathers” movie, the last thing I want to hear is that Christian Slater is going to try to mentor a whiny Hayden Christensen for two hours. Could there be anything more horrible? Well, maybe an acting contest between Christian Slater and Hayden Christensen where I’m the judge, in which case my final decision is to kill myself. No one wants to see “Heathers 2,” “Pump Up The Volume 2,” or “Gleaming The Cube 2.” I wouldn’t mind seeing a sequel to “True Romance,” but just about everyone dies in the first one… shit, sorry… spoiler alert there… so I guess I’ll just have to settle for a sequel to another actual good movie with Christian Slater, “The Legend of Billie Jean.” What… you’ve never seen it or heard of it…? Well, looks like someone better be Netflixing that shit right now then, doesn’t it?
The Kidd is normally a fan of Taraji P. Henson. She was Oscar-nominated for “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” and she was incredible in “Hustle & 
Flow” (Whoop that trick!!). But you know what she’s definitely going to suck in…? The remake of “The Karate Kid.” That’s sadly the way it is. The normally very talented actress has signed on to play Will Smith’s annoying kid’s mom in the movie, and here I thought she only tried to take roles in good quality movies. Fuck, how many times am I going to be wrong today? This is like some kind of record. Oh well… at least I can take comfort in the fact that I know I won’t be anywhere near this piece of shit when it finally gets made. There is absolutely no saving this movie from anything other than disaster. One can only hope that William Zabka and the rest of his Cobra Kai crash the set to rain down punishment on every single asshole responsible for this idea. At least it’ll make all of us feel a little better… mercy is for the weak.
Awhile back, there were rumors of a 4th “Scream” movie in development, written by series’ original writer Kevin Williamson and possibly directed once again by Wes Craven. It was assumed that the franchise would move in a newer, younger direction continuing on with a new story arc that would feature members of the original cast in smaller roles or cameos. But that doesn’t appear to be the case. According to Entertainment Weekly, an entirely new trilogy is being put together using many of the original cast members, or at least whoever was left alive (oh, blonde Rose McGowan, how we miss you). 
Courteney Cox Arquette and David Arquette have already been approached to return to the series, with Neve Campbell obviously next on the shopping list, since she’s just so busy doing whatever the fuck Neve Campbell does these days. I’m sure Jamie Kennedy would jump at the chance to do another videotape featuring his character Randy, since he’s only booked doing Jennifer Love Hewitt these days. Hmmm… now that I think of it, I’ve already figured out the plot for the new trilogy. Forget about the Ghost Face and trying to figure out just who he’s killing. The story instead should focus on just how the fuck David Arquette and Jamie Kennedy managed to snag hot chicks. Roofies? Damn. The movie is over that quickly. Son of a bitch. The Kidd absolutely loves the first “Scream” movie. thinks the 2nd one is okay, and has suppressed the 3rd one so deeply that he couldn’t even tell you what it’s about. If that’s any sign as to what’s to come, I’ll make sure to get excited about “Scream 4,” lower my expectations for “Scream 5,” and save myself the trouble of even seeing how it wraps up in “Scream 6.” Sounds like a plan.
Finally, the licensing show in Vegas has given us our first look at the earliest teaser poster for “Spider-Man 4.” We’ve got an aerial view of New York, a web, a date, and the number 4. That’s enough for me. I just jizzed my pants 13 times 
since the beginning of this paragraph, as that’s how excited I am about… oh, there it goes again… better make it 14. I know I should have learned my lesson after “Spider-Man 3.” I mean, how could one become erect and spurt uncontrollably for anything Spider-Man after watching Emo Peter Parker dance all over a jazz club. I’d rather watch Shia LeBeouf swing with monkeys in an Indiana Jones movie than… okay, that’s a lie. I went over the line there. I just have the gut feeling that they have taken a little bit of time away from the franchise to reexamine what had worked in the past and then what clearly sucked in “Spider-Man 3″ (namely everything), so they can decide how to proceed. A big blockbuster featuring a Marvel superhero to kick off the summer movie season? I know you’re skeptical, but it’s gotta be better than “Wolverine,” doesn’t it? At least by default.
Part Two of my “Up” review went up in the wee hours of the morning, so, if you were looking forward to the follow-up to the horrible experience I had in trying to see it the first time around, here it is. And, if you weren’t aware that there was a part two coming, let alone that a part one even existed, it looks like you’ve got some catching up to do. Make sure you keep checking out “The Kidd Vs.” section of the site, as it will be updated pretty regularly with my reviews about the latest movies, among other things. I had the chance to feast my eyes on “The Hangover” early this week, so you can expect to see my thoughts on that new comedy sometime tomorrow. In addition, I have been informed by the people over at SFX-360.com that my infamous appearance on their Game Goddess Podcast should be up for your listening pleasure sometime today, so keep checking back throughout the day until you see Episode 2 of their new audio series posted. I was told by their producer that I absolutely owned the podcast, to which I replied, “No surprise there.” It is a bit of a throwback to the podcasting days of old for The Kidd, and should give you a very nice taste of what to expect in the future as we move forward with our plans for Infamous Radio.
Until tomorrow…
Have a pleasant immediate future.
Peace.
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