Speidi Quits Reality TV, Proving There Is A God
Maybe The Kidd shouldn’t tease you that greatly with the hopes that the douchebag pair of Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are gone from the universe forever. That would be too good to be true. They’re not even gone from television entirely, as sadly I’m sure there will be new season upon new season of “The Hills” until these two bastards are dead, or people develop intelligence 
and taste… still not sure which is going to come first there though. However, you can at least take some satisfaction in knowing that after only one day Speidi has quit a reality show that no one was watching anyway.
NBC aired the premiere of “I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!” which features no actual celebrities, hence Speidi’s presence to begin with. Besides, can you really have the word “celebrity” in your title when your cast features former “American Idol” contestant Sanjaya, former model Janice Dickinson, and Stephen Baldwin? After Heidi earlier stated, “I want to prove to myself that I can eat kangaroo penis or whatever it is that they’ll make me eat,” she had enough. And that’s why she’s a failure at life. Because when you have something to prove, like that you can snack on the wang of a marsupial, you should overcome whatever obstacles might come your way, especially when those obstacles are merely the lack of hotel lodging and fine dining. It had been circulating that the pair thought they were too good for the show after accepting their slots. They thought Lou Diamond Phillips and the rest weren’t big enough stars, and that they should be receiving VIP treatment, even though the basis of the show is that these people are dropped in the middle of the fuckin’ jungle.
A source close to production relayed to TMZ that “The Hills” duo walked off the set for good after the live portion of last night’s show. Plans on how their departure will be handled for tonight’s show are unclear at this point. I, of course, did not watch this show last night. I won’t be watching it tonight either, 
and will almost certainly never watch it, not as long as there are better things on, like commercials and any infomercial that has Billy Mays trying to sell me something. I am a little torn about the fact that they gave up so easily. Yes, I realize this is a good thing, that it is a step in the right direction of getting them off the television forever. However, that could be a long process that takes years and costs millions of lives. In all honesty I was hoping they were going to die out there. I was hoping they’d fall off a cliff, or get eaten by a wild animal, or, at the very least, get eaten by their fellow contestants in the one and only endorsement of cannibalism I will ever make. Now there’s no hope of that ever happening. I mean, there still is, but the likelihood of it ever actually taking place is very remote. Maybe we can ship them off to one of those starving nations in Africa. Those kids will eat anything at this point, even if douchebag is on the menu. This way, we’d have gotten rid of Speidi while trying to solve world hunger with a humanitarian effort. I tell you… I should really be running for President. I don’t think I’ll win, but I’ll take Mayor of Munchkin Land as a consolation prize.
Megan Fox is on Twitter, which totally justifies why The Kidd is on Twitter. Where else is she supposed to profess her undying love for me, so I can retweet it to 
others and they can finally believe me? Well, she felt the need to speak about her appearance at the MTV Movie Awards, which has left some of us still in shock and awe that even Megan Fox is incapable of looking good all the time. “The awards were great. Sorry if you didn’t like me hair. Opinions are opinions.” Megan fox, since you felt the need to apologize, The Kidd will go right ahead and accept it. But really there’s no need to say you’re sorry for me not being able to whack off to you for one night. Believe me… my penis needed the rest… and apparently medical treatment, too, but that’s another story altogether. However, in the future, just let me know when you decide to ugly it out… a direct message on Twitter will suffice, just so I can find an adequate substitute, and not have to settle for the first person I see, namely Whoopi Goldberg. No shower will be able to cleanse the dirtiness I feel after that episode.
Bryan Singer loves X-Men so much that he might just be considering stepping in and saving it for everyone. In the current issue of Total Film, Singer talks about the disaster that was “X-Men: The Last Stand” as well as possibly returning to the X-Men universe for the Magneto prequel. “I’m eternally intertwined with X-Men now. What takes an audience four hours to watch – the first two movies – took six years of my life. So, to not be part of it… It’s a shame.” When asked whether he wished he had directed the 3rd installment, he admitted he had that feeling “before I was watching it, during watching it, after watching it.” I guess he wasn’t a fan. He also added, “It’s weird for me to watch it, because I’m so close 
to the universe… But, of course, I would love to return to that universe.” He was also asked finally if he might be interested in “X-Men Origins: Magneto,” to which he replied, “Possible. The only thing that concerns me about Magneto is that if the prequel were to follow the track I used in X-Men, which is Magneto’s history in the concentration camp, then I’ve lived in that world… I just might need to take a little break before I do something like that.” Well, after the debacles that were “X3″ and “Wolverine,” Singer’s little break from X-Men is over. It’s not like he’s doing anything better with his time. I saw “Superman Returns.” Believe me, he needs X-Men as much as X-Men needs him. At least we know his interest is there, and even if it is as small as the amount of people who liked “Wolverine,” that means there’s still a chance. But then we remember Fox has the rights to the X-Men movies, and that is as close to a definite that they’ll fuck this up as you can get. Oh well… we tried.
I may not be a mindreader, but The Kidd is pretty good at guessing the burning questions on people’s minds. And right now, you’re all thinking “Where’s Waldo?” I was thinking “Why do my balls itch?” But I guess we can go with answering your inquiry first. Well, “Where’s Waldo?” has been optioned to Universal, who is looking to develop a movie based on the books about nothing except finding a guy 
in glasses wearing a red-and-white-striped sweater and hat. I don’t even know how the fuck you make a movie about that. I didn’t even know there was a curiosity about searching for this guy anymore. I found him on every single page years ago, but it looks like the retards who had trouble locating him want to bring him back on a bigger screen to increase their chances. I’m sure they’re the same people who had trouble finding the picture in those magic eye puzzles years ago, too, which means it’ll only be a matter of time before we get movies based on them, too. I can’t wait… actually I can, but I felt the need for some sarcasm.
These Twilight kids are sick… and by sick, I mean they really need help. I just watched a nine-minute-long video yesterday of some chick on YouTube reacting to her first viewing of the new trailer for “New Moon.” And she cried. Yes, she actually shed tears over watching a movie trailer that is a minute-and-a-half long. She also watched it three times and proceeded to call the characters she didn’t like names as a result of their actions, as if they could hear her, and as if they were real people 
doing dastardly deeds. Professional help is needed for this sad and pathetic band of losers, but if you can’t get them all therapy, the next best thing is obviously a boat. An actual Twilight Cruise is planned to set sail in 2010 leaving from Washington, where the books take place, and circling around Alaska and British Columbia. This 7-day cruise promises stars Ashley Green and Kellan Lutz who play two characters I clearly don’t care about. You also get a Q&A session with the actors, as well as an autograph session. A costume ball is also included, because, other than the mall, you can’t get enough teenage girls in one place to dress in their best vampire gear. Trivia contests and games are also on the agenda as well as a charity auction and movie viewings where a civil war is sure to break out on-board between Team Edward and Team Jacob. In the end, I’m rooting for Team Iceberg, because that means we all win. I know they build these ships now to prevent a Titanic-like disaster, but would this really be such a disaster? If anything, I’ll settle for Somali pirates. They’ve got to be good for something. Well, this is their moment to shine.
Until tomorrow…
Have a pleasant immediate future.
Peace.
