The Kidd Vs. Alice In Wonderland
Tim Burton is no longer a visionary director known for his wildly imaginative films that are far different from anything else. Right now, Tim Burton is an argument waiting to happen. He’s a divisive discussion on how you feel about the movies he makes. Sometime around the turn of the century, Burton went from making movies that you could respect to movies that you either love or hate. You can take “Big Fish” and “Corpse Bride” out of the equation, but there’s no getting around the fact that there is a wide gap of emotions incurred when you bring up “Planet of the Apes,” “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” “Sweeney Todd,” and now “Alice in Wonderland.” Of course, what’s common amongst these 
films is the idea that the source material for each had been done long before, and so it all became Burton’s take on these worlds, and not necessarily something new. And, in making these films, Burton became a bit of a parody of himself. All of his flicks began to look the same – dark undertones, creepy yet visually interesting set pieces, pale faces on every character, etc. “Alice in Wonderland” is a Tim Burton movie. It fits all the criteria for what we’ve come to recognize as the typical Tim Burton trademarks, as no one can do strange structures and scraggly branches that look as if the trees are ready to reach out and grab at any second like he can. But, more importantly, this is one of those Burton films that the debate will be on for, because you’re either going to be really excited about it and love it… or you’re going to be extremely disappointed and hate it. You won’t find The Kidd rolling with those who have fond memories of “Alice in Wonderland” here. I won’t go so far as to say that I absolutely loathe the movie, because that’s a bit harsh… but strongly disliking it is a far more accurate assessment.
Disney’s “Alice in Wonderland” is an uninspired bore of a movie, which features plenty of cool stuff (people, places, and things), thanks to the wonders of computer-generated animation. Unfortunately, nothing of any memorable consequence takes place around any of it. Sure, it looks nice… visually stunning even… but there is no connection to any of the characters to get you invested in the prettiness, there is no worthwhile story to get you interested in anyone or 
anything that is happening, and, overall, this film made me feel as if I fell down a rabbit hole, got trapped in Wonderland, and was left waiting for the opportunity when I could leave… and, even worse, it felt like days spent waiting, not an hour and 49 minutes.
“Alice in Wonderland” picks up 13 years after Alice’s last trip to Wonderland, where she can’t remember anything that happened, except as a strange and bizarre dream she’s been having every night in that elapsed time. In fact, even when she makes her return, she still insists on it all being a dream, even as she’s viciously scratched by one of Wonderland’s creatures and is stabbed in the foot by the sword of Mallymkun, the dormouse. Needless to say, Alice isn’t the brightest protagonist in the world, and, as a result, it becomes increasingly difficult to get behind Mia Wasikowska’s journey as Alice, because frankly there’s nothing to care about.
Her father has died. She only has her mother, and she is about to be proposed to by some rich nerd named Hamish, because it makes financial sense for her and her remaining family. However, Alice is an unconventional girl, and marriage at 
the age of 19 to this doofus (and he is a doofus), isn’t in the cards for her. However, chasing after a well-dressed white rabbit with a pocket watch is, because running after what might just be delusions is always the best idea. Once again, not the smartest girl we are forced to follow.
Of course, this leads to Alice once again falling down the rabbit hole, once again landing in a room filled with doors yet no exit, once again drinking liquids that make her small, once again eating cakes that make her large, and… well, you get the idea. “Alice in Wonderland” does everything possible to incorporate all the familiar characters of the previous books and movies that you may be familiar with, even if it means forcing them in somewhere just to have them be part of the story.
“Oh, we need the Cheshire Cat in here somewhere… let’s thrown him in, we’ll make him evaporate, and people will be happy.”
“Oh, no… we forgot about the Blue Caterpillar… so let’s have Alan Rickman voice him, and that should make up for the fact that the character really has nothing to do.”
“Wait… can we toss in Tweedledee and Tweedledum, even if their inclusion is purely for cosmetic purposes, to show that we can create their very being using computers, even if they really have no bearing on the story whatsoever?”
The conflict of the Red Queen (Helena Bonham Carter) having taken over Wonderland and enslaved most of its population is paper-thin, as it’s glossed 
over about halfway through the movie with a brief flashback, lending more weight to your thought throughout the movie of just what the hell we’re doing back here in Wonderland. It was foretold that Alice would return, that she would slay the Red Queen’s weapon, the Jabberwocky, and the creatures of Wonderland would be able to rise up and return the throne back to the White Queen (Anne Hathaway). Yep… that’s really it. We’re brought back to Wonderland to watch a predicted future play out. Well, so much for having any type of drama or tension build the story and ultimately Alice’s choice of whether or not she can carry out the responsibility that’s been placed on her. There is never any sense that things won’t come through the way they’re supposed to. There is no peril, no danger, no moments of dread, nothing… “Alice in Wonderland” goes through the motions to get from beginning to end, and it feels like it every step of the way.
Even Johnny Depp, who’s gotten a lot of attention for his role as The Mad Hatter, is wasted. Oh, sure, he’s eccentric, and it’s another one of those different roles Depp can lay claim to having taken. However, The Mad Hatter is crammed down our throats in an effort to justify having Johnny Depp on the payroll. He’s given almost too much to do, none of which is substantial or necessary, and his constant featuring, including a dance sequence that will have you rolling your eyes, seems so out of place that it makes you long for the time 
when The Mad Hatter was just a bit player, a small part of Wonderland, where he rightfully belongs, as opposed to a main figure.
Anne Hathaway adds nothing to “Wonderland” as the White Queen, but her counterpart Helena Bonham Carter is a pleasure to watch. She hams it up quite well as the ever-demanding Red Queen, from her demands for fat boys as entertainment or a warm pig belly to rest her aching feet. Her over-the-top personality mixed with her interesting look make her the only entertaining and worthwhile character in the film. When she appears, “Alice in Wonderland” instantly ratchets up to watchable for a few brief moments… but, unfortunately, the film isn’t built around her, so, once she’s gone, everything sinks right back into its sleep-inducing state.
“Alice in Wonderland” does have incredible visuals to fall back on, and, if that’s enough to make a movie worth your while, then “Alice in Wonderland” might be right up your alley. Wonderland itself is an amazing creation, as, right along Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, these are two locations made for Tim Burton to spend some time in, so you won’t be disappointed with the world this all takes place in… but the mediocrity will seep in once you experience what is taking place within it. The rest of the CGI effects are hit-and-miss, with the White Rabbit and the Jabberwocky sitting right atop the best that “Alice in Wonderland” has to offer, but, on the other end, you have Crispin Glover as Stayne, the Knave of 
Hearts. Stayne is made to be super tall and super thin, and, as a result of the computer-generated alterations, we’re left with Crispin Glover’s head on a strange body that moves awkwardly and disjointedly to the point of being a distraction with its poor rendering. Sounds like a perfect fit in this mess of a movie.
Even the climactic battle for Wonderland is just there. Nothing to that point has led you to caring about this big moment, and, as a result, you don’t. You get a sword fight between the Mad Hatter and Stayne, but the actual product of it is nowhere near the cool factor such a moment should invoke. It’s just there. Alice’s battle with the Jabberwocky is just there. The whole movie just seems to be there, with no real story to tell, no interesting characters to follow, nothing worthwhile to pay attention to.
Sometimes we get a little too comfortable in our relationships that we go through the motions, because it’s the easiest path to follow. Johnny Depp and Tim Burton might want to think about putting some separation in their friendship, because, if collaborations like this are what we get, things are started to border on unhealthy between them. For all the bells and whistles here, there’s not much else to hold your interest. This certainly isn’t a wonderful film, and the only wonder left in “Alice in Wonderland” is how Tim Burton could make a movie this unsatisfyingly bad. Let the debate begin.
