The Kidd Vs. Machete
CAUTION: SPOILERS AHEAD
How does one put together one of the most wildly fun movies of the year, complete with over the top violence and gratuitous nudity, while at the same time hosting one of the most honest discussions on the issue of illegal immigration within the United States, presenting the sides of the argument that no one wants to really talk about? Ask director Robert Rodriguez and his co-director Ethan Maniquis, because they manage to do it, and do it extremely well with MACHETE, the full-length version of what once was a fake trailer attached to the Rodriguez/Tarantino double feature GRINDHOUSE. However, because fans demanded it, Rodriguez flushed a 2 minute and 22 second non-movie into a full-blown feature length film, and now we’re all better for it. MACHETE is highly entertaining, remarkably over the top, and one awesome time at the movies for people who love movies, get excited about movies, and are total geeks for movies.
MACHETE is what you think it is and more. Not much has changed from the original GRINDHOUSE trailer. Danny Trejo still plays Machete, an ex-Federale – namely CIA, FBI, and DEA all rolled up into 1 tough burrito – who is living day-to-day as a day laborer in Texas after watching his wife and daughter murdered at the hands of drug kingpin Cortez (Steven Seagal in all of his hefty whispering glory) back in Mexico 3 years earlier. When Machete is given an offer of $150,000 by the mysterious Booth (Jeff Fahey) to assassinate State Senator John McLaughlin, a local politician with a hardline stance of anti-immigration whose campaign banners feature Uncle Sam and the slogan “I WANT YOU To Speak English,” Machete takes the deal. Only he’s been set up as a fall guy to help boost the Senator’s plummeting poll numbers in his re-election bid. By creating the perception that the Senator get shot by an illegal immigrant, the politics of fear and anger that rile up worried white people will take over, and McLaughlin will be able to ride his campaign to victory, proving that his desire to enact tougher immigration policy is the right way to go. However, Machete isn’t about to let things go that easily, especially when it means armies of men are out to kill him. Revenge will be his, and along the way, he’ll bring in a number of allies that believe in both him and the greater cause, framing the battle between Machete and his enemies, but also between those on both sides of the immigration issue.
MACHETE is perfectly cast, with each actor/actress spot-on in the role for which they were chosen. It is refreshing to see Danny Trejo finally get his due in his first starring role. For years, he’s always been slotted in supporting roles as a henchman or a menacing secondary bad guy of some sorts, but with MACHETE, he’s able to take that quiet intensity and put it to good use as Machete the bad-ass, Machete the myth, Machete the legend, Machete the lover, Machete the gentleman, and Machete the leader, all important aspects that make Trejo the hero MACHETE requires. You’d never be able to tell from his rugged exterior, but you’ve got to believe Trejo is having a blast playing this character, which gives him the freedom to use meat thermometers, corkscrews, weed whackers, heavy artillery, and, of course, a machete to take some vengeance on those who double-crossed him… and that’s not even taking into account the fact that he makes arguably the greatest escape from a tight situation using the resources available to him in the history of motion pictures (don’t think that conveniently extra information about the human intestines won’t come in handy at some point in time).
The true personality of MACHETE though shines through in the film’s supporting cast. Jessica Alba has never looked hotter (well, maybe except for IDLE HANDS back in the day and DARK ANGEL) and probably delivers her best film performance surprisingly as immigrations and customs agent Sartana. She plays the contradictory Hispanic who is hoping to move up through the ranks of her government job by going after and cracking down on her own people who are in the United States illegally. However, she takes a liking to Machete after learning of his past, because she has the hunch that he’s not guilty of what he’s being accused of as his track record is one of a good-hearted honest man who believed in serving the public good as a law enforcement officer back in the day. You get the DARK ANGEL-style ass-kicking that we haven’t seen from Alba in quite some time, and it’s nice to see her reverting back to old form, something we haven’t seen since her early promise with films like INTO THE BLUE and AWAKE getting in the way. However, Rodriguez always seems to properly tap into what she can bring to the table. He’s done it before (SIN CITY), and here he does it again.
Jeff Fahey is absolutely fantastic as Booth, the scheming mind behind this whole plot, who has no idea what he’s gotten himself into by hiring an ex-Federale and “fucking with the wrong Mexican.” Booth is a bad-ass in his own right, as we see when he has to wield a firearm himself, and, if not for having to keep his hands clean on the Senator’s attempted assassination, he probably could have pulled it off with him pulling the trigger. However, that’s not his style. He’s the puppet master behind the scenes pulling the strings, and making sure things operate as they should. He has quite the interesting relationship with his daughter April (Lindsay Lohan in a role only she could accurately play), and it’s his belief that the power of the almighty dollar justifies him of his actions that steer the premise of MACHETE.
It’s also his role in MACHETE that pushes the immigration debate front and center. Let’s face it… the system is broken, and it has been a long time. However, there never seems to be any progress from either side of the political spectrum in actually fixing it. One side wants to grant amnesty to all illegals who are already here on American soil, while the other side wants to back up a giant U-Haul that can magically load up 14 million people and cart them all back to where they came from with no compromise in the middle and still no solutions on how to prevent such a problem from happening again. And, for the record, The Kidd believes that amnesty should be granted to those who are already here, putting them on the path to citizenship, basically admitting that the United States has fucked up on this issue for quite some time while moving to put an end to it in the future. From there, you can build a fence, if that’s what makes you feel safe, but increasing the Border Patrol to constantly monitor for newly illegals trying to get across the border is the only way to really stop anyone from getting here. But that’s neither here nor there, because the dirty little secret at the heart of the immigration that no one wants to talk about is economics. Illegal immigrants provide cheap labor that businesses take full advantage of, because it keeps their expenses down and their profits up. So, to get political for a moment, Republicans want these people to stay here to work for next to nothing, so that it doesn’t hurt the bottom line of businesses, but, once they’re done working, they can pack up their shit and get the fuck out, because, once business hours are over, they don’t them here anymore. And, as a result, without them being a legitimate part of the workforce, a part that has rights under the law to be paid a certain wage and to have certain protections as an employee from their employer, it drives wages down, wages that they would be entitled to if they were legal citizens. So, this straw man argument that they’re stealing jobs from Americans who want to work is bullshit. There is truth to them doing the work that others don’t want to do, but it’d be better off for the people if they were treated like citizens, because it’d prevent businesses from low-balling qualified workers in favor of illegal immigrants who they’d be able to pay cents on the dollar for. If you crack down on businesses hiring illegals and paying them severely low wages, forcing them to check a national identification card that verifies that their employment candidates are here and able to work legally, then we might not have millions of people pouring over the border. If there is no money, no opportunity for them, then they might be willing to follow our laws and our processes and procedures for legal citizenship. After all, that would be the only way for them to successfully chase this idea of a better life in America.
Whew… See, you didn’t think you were going to get something that deeply intense from MACHETE, did you?
Cheech Marin steals every scene he’s involved in as Machete’s brother and a Father in his own right. Padre has some of MACHETE’s best lines, and, for the time he’s on-screen, your enjoyment level of MACHETE rises to even greater heights, if that’s even possible. And the other true standout of MACHETE is Don Johnson as Von Jackson, the American vigilante who leads a small army of like-minded individuals who feel its their civic duty to take matters into their own hands and protect the border themselves, if the government won’t do it. Von represents the other side of the immigration debate, that of the white people who have been hammered with the notion that Mexicans are destroying our country from within and are a plague on our society. This is a strict conservative at work, who is willing to take up arms in order to protect his liberties, and, when he’s not out patrolling the border or training vigilantes at his anti-immigrant camp and compound, you’d probably be able to find him at the nearest Tea Party rally, packing an assault rifle… you know, just in case. Von’s connections to the various elements of the assassination plot point a big spotlight on the hypocrisy that gets entangled with much of the immigration argument, as it’s rare to find someone consistently consistent.
Robert De Niro as the Senator and Michelle Rodriguez as Luz, a woman who may or may not be behind an underground network cleverly titled The Network which helps illegals do their part to become part of American society, round out the cast, and De Niro’s campaign speeches and campaign ads, for that matter, make for some of MACHETE’s lighter moments that you can’t help but laugh at as they really elevate the fringe elements of the immigration debate to a clearly visible level. Rodriguez, on the other hand, is at her best when she’s required to bring the muscle to the film, specifically in the climactic battle you know it’s all building towards. Oh.. and what Rodriguez film would be complete without an appearance by Tom Savini as a hitman who has his own commercial and 800-number…?
The Kidd can’t give Robert Rodriguez enough credit for MACHETE, because this really is an awesome flick. And what makes it even better is that, at the heart of it all, this is a movie that was made for the fans. Those of us who absolutely embraced the concept of GRINDHOUSE called for more to come from that experience, and, even though it might not have been the soundest financial decision based on GRINDHOUSE’S theatrical performance several years ago, Rodriguez pushed forward with MACHETE anyway, all for the sake of the fans. And this doesn’t just boil down to fans of GRINDHOUSE… this is for fans who movies, who love going to the movies to experience something special with like-minded people around them. At a time when it’s nearly impossible to go to a movie without some asshole pulling out their phone to take a phone call or shoot someone else a text or tweet that they’re in a movie, it’s becoming far more difficult to recall a period when people went to the theatre to escape the outside world for a little bit of entertainment and to enjoy themselves. Going to the movies used to be an experience, and films like PIRANHA 3D or MACHETE are trying to recapture that. They’re trying to bring back that nostalgia for when it used to be okay to go to a movie, shut yourself off from everything else, and just have fun. Sure, MACHETE has a solid message behind it as well, something that took me completely by surprise but winds up making it a better all-around film… but if you can’t let yourself enjoy a movie that has stiletto heels being used as weapons, decapitations and bloodshed aplenty, and was made specifically for you to have a good time during, then there’s no hope for you.
MACHETE isn’t for everyone. If you’re looking for a film rich with perfectly crafted dialogue, you’re not going to find it here. If you’re looking for a film drenched in realism, that’s not MACHETE either. But if you want something that throws caution to the wind and just rolls with it, then MACHETE is right up your alley. You’ll know within the first 5 minutes exactly what you’re in for, and if you love every second of it, then hold on tight to your arm rest, because a balls-to-the-wall awesome ride awaits you. I was confident that Rodriguez would be able to turn the MACHETE trailer into something like this, and my confidence was certainly rewarded. Rodriguez absolutely nails what this film should be, by offering up the added bonus of making it culturally relevant to where the world is today. I look forward to many more viewings of MACHETE in my future, and The Kidd gives this flick a solid seal of approval. Viva MACHETE.
