There Is Hope For Some Of You To Get Married Yet
The Kidd knows that you’re all out there trying to find that perfect mate. You want to find someone that you can love, and they will love you back, and they won’t be a douchebag, and you can be happily in love with them for the rest of your life. You suffer through the disastrous blind date. You pay your subscription fees to eHarmony and Match.com and Adult Friend Finder and whatever else is out there, because there just has to be someone out there for you – someone who finds you attractive, someone who isn’t repulsed by you, someone who will put up with your shit, even when you’re being a complete asshole, someone who can stand you for longer than 10 minutes at a time. You want to find a catch like that. We all do. No one wants to end up dying all alone. However, keep that chin up. There is hope for you yet. It should have started back when The Kidd actually got married, as that is something that could have signaled the apocalypse. Trust me… no one thought that would ever happen. However, there is an even bigger example out there that proves if you are patient 
enough and you just let it all happen for you, you will be able to find someone for you. That example – Kevin Jonas.
Now I know some of you are confused. You’re saying, “Kidd, what does this have to do with me? How does my patience relate back to this guy who’s just 21 years old?” Look… this is one of those posers that’s been running all over the place for the past few years sporting purity rings and talking about not having sex, etc. So, if a guy who allegedly has absolutely no interest whatsoever in pussy at all can find a woman who has no interest whatever in giving it to him, and then can be happy together with that to the point of getting married, well, then there’s someone out there for you.
Don’t get discouraged by the fact that he’s just barely allowed to legally buy alcohol and is set to get married while you are 20-something, 30-something, 40-something and consider a wild night to be sitting on your couch watching reruns of “Everybody Loves Raymond.” There’s no timetable for this, and everyone is different. Some people find it sooner than others, while others take much longer… and then there’s that small portion of you that no one will ever touch, and I don’t blame them. Sadly, I’ve got no good news for that sad bunch of losers. But those people have been too far gone for any help for a long time. So, if you aren’t in that bottom percentage, then you’re in good shape. If an untalented virgin can find someone to spend the rest of their life with him, then you’ve got a shot. I mean, if someone is into all that crazy shit, then someone’s bound to be into whatever retarded shit you like. You like anime. There’s gotta be 
someone else out there who likes anime as much as you do. You like French toast… and I mean, REALLY like it. Well, there’s gotta be someone else out there who loves it as much as you do. You like farting in your own hand and smelling it. Well, you’d be surprised what other sick fucks are out there and what they’re into.
The point is… there is hope for you. There is a reason to be optimistic. There is a chance for you yet. If one of the Brothers Jonai… and probably the ugliest one of them all to begin with… can find someone to settle down with, who clearly isn’t interested in his wang, but maybe still has an eye on his money, then that puts you on fuckin’ Easy Street. Good luck, you creepy bastards… now don’t blow it. I’ve given you my pep talk and my blessing. If you wind up single now, then it’s your own damn fault. As for all those Jonas Brothers fans out there that had hopes and dreams of getting together with Kevin Jonas… fuck ‘em. Let them live with some disappointment for awhile in knowing that you probably won’t hook up with the celebrity of your most heartfelt desires… right, Sarah Michelle Gellar of 10 years ago…? Heartbreaker.
Seriously… what the fuck is going on with Megan Fox? Yesterday, it was Brian Austin Green or The Beouf. Today, it could be Zac Efron. Our friends over at Celebuzz scored an exclusive that Megan Fox and Efron were seen sharing an 
intimate dinner out in L.A. the other night. One witness said, “They were very friendly and their faces were close when they talked.” Would you believe one of them could be a dreaded low-talker? Doubtful. Supposedly Megan Fox has a longstanding crush on the “High School Musical” star, and they were pretty flirty at the Golden Globes. WHAT… THE… FUCK…?! Megan Fox… with the guy from “High School Musical” with the windswept air who wears all the make-up… what is going on here lately? On top of that, what the fuck is going on with Zac Efron? First, he scores Vanessa Hudgens, who takes naked pictures of her hot self for him. Now, he may have gotten very familiar with Megan Fox… while he’s still dating Vanessa. Windswept hair and makeup, huh? Pass me the foundation, eyeliner, and lip gloss… I’ve got some work to do. Don’t judge me.
The movie adaptation of “The A-Team” may have added another member to its cast of mercenaries. First, we heard word of Liam Neeson signing on as Hannibal. Then, Bradley Cooper was in negotiations to be the Faceman. Now, they may have finally found their B.A. Baracus, and sadly it’s not Mr. T… like it should be. Rapper The Game looks set to step into the role, and, considering he’s never acted before, it sounds like some pretty inspired casting then. At least it’s another black guy though. When I first heard the news, I thought they might have put out an offer to WWE 
superstar wrestler Triple H, in which case they were going to be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off. I’m not sure how much closer they’ve gotten here though, as I have a hard time believing that any gangsta rapper with such an on-again/off-again relationship with G-Unit is going to be down to sport the gold chains and feather earrings. I pity the fool who has to fill The Game in on those costume decisions.
We’ve had many movies based on video games over the years, and they all suck. “Street Fighter,” “Doom,” “Max Payne,” and let’s not forget the awful “Super Mario Bros.” So what better idea than to just try making another one…? But not just any video game… oh no… let’s go back to the Atari days to find something that could make a shitty flick. And thus, “Asteroids” was born. Universal has secured the rights to make a film based on the game where you shoot asteroids that are trying to get past you. Hmmm… is that what the movie is going to be about? Just a lone pilot sitting in space in his fuckin’ tiny-ass spaceship shooting at falling asteroids that might crush Earth… for 2-and-a-half-hours…? Well, at least it sounds a little less boring than “Transformers 2″ turned out to be. But even still, was this the best they could do? The Kidd 
knows of many video games from back in that era that would have made much better choices for possible movie treatments. “Centipede,” for instance. A giant fuckin’ bug with 1000 legs runs at you, and you have to shoot each piece of his body until it is destroyed or he will run you over or something. Or what about “Frogger”? It’s a frog, trying to cross the street, without getting run over. Sounds like an Oscar-winning drama to me. Where’s “Q-Bert” in this mix? Or “Pitfall”? Or “Burger Time”? Fuck, man… they don’t make games like they used to anymore. Now we have to get complex stories and fancy graphics and shit. What a waste. Does it really get any better than just grabbing a hold of your joystick for some Pong? I didn’t think so. Let’s see them try to make a movie out of THAT one. Beep… Boop…
Fanboys everywhere made a mess in their underoos when Samuel L. Jackson revealed himself to be Nick Fury at the very very very end of “Iron Man.” Yep, it was all the way past the credits, so, in case you missed it… fuck, you need to get your life together, man. From there, Robert Downey Jr. showed up in “The Incredible Hulk” as Tony Stark, and thus began the greatness of Marvel comic movies, interweaving the characters in each others’ stories, creating one giant Marvel universe, so we can all jizz our pants as they move towards an “Avengers” movie. Well, rumors ran wild that Marvel was trying to low-ball Sam Jackson in returning as Nick Fury, and that he was willing to walk away from the character. Then Marvel stepped up with the dollar bills, and Jackson signed a nine-picture deal to keep 
coming back… including an appearance once again with Iron Man in next summer’s sequel. However, don’t get your hopes up on seeing Samuel L. Jackson in action there… not like you should get your hopes up for it anyway; we all saw what Samuel L. Jackson’s acting is reduced to in movies that use special effects, lots of green screens, and have action (**cough**Star Wars prequels**cough**). In an interview with MTV, Jackson revealed that Nick Fury wouldn’t be engaging in any bad-ass fighting just yet. “Not this time, not yet. We still haven’t moved Nick Fury into the bad-ass zone. He’s still just kind of a talker.” And, man, does he have some cool shit to say, like “I’m tired of these motherfuckin’ snakes on this motherfuckin’ plane.” Wait… that wasn’t Nick Fury. Hmmm… how about “They called me Mr. Glass”? No… not Nick Fury either, huh? “Ezekiel 25:17…”? Fuck… how many fuckin’ movies has this guy made? I don’t know… but he is 60 years old, which means it’s gotta be something like 14 for every year he’s been alive. Seriously… there is a lot of shit on his resume… a lot.
Finally, The Kidd has been working on his pet project for quite a long time now. Infamous Radio has been in the works for almost a year now, as I have demanded nothing but perfection in trying to get it just right. I don’t want to be one of those people that just rush right into one of their ideas, do it half-assed, and then the whole thing sucks. We’ve been plugging away, trying to get it just right to give it a full-blown launch. Well, today, you can be a part of it. Today, at 4:00 p.m. EST, The Kidd will be doing a test run of Infamous Radio for an hour. We’re going to be trying to work out the glitches and the kinks and the bugs, but while that gets done, we’ll be taking your calls on some topics that just might come up. So, if you’re around to take a listen, by all means, tune in here, and let us know what you think. If you’re not, then I guess you’re just shit out of luck. But don’t worry too much. We’ll have a few more of these tests over the next couple of weeks as we try to move toward the final unveiling of Infamous Radio.
Until tomorrow…
