We Have Ourselves A Green Lantern
The Kidd is absolutely guilty of irresponsibility at the end of last week. After having to run some errands Friday morning, I just got the strong desire to blow off Friday’s blog in order to possibly catch a movie. And, as we all know, I have no willpower whatsoever, so so the prospect of an afternoon showing of “Bruno” was too much for me to overcome. Even then, after the flick, I still almost pushed through to give you some of my daily words of wisdom. However, I just couldn’t get into it, as I was now in weekend mode, and… well, here we are. As a result, you’ve got a new column - “The Kidd Vs. Bruno” – to check out, and perhaps guide you on whether or not you should take in Sacha Baron Cohen’s latest or pass… that is, if you weren’t among the $30.4 million worth of people who saw it over the weekend already. And we can talk now more about the only thing I found interesting on Friday that has now since been resolved.
On Friday, word started leaking out that Warner Bros. had narrowed their search for the title role in their upcoming superhero blockbuster “Green Lantern” down to three: Ryan Reynolds, Bradley Cooper, and Justin Timberlake. The internet was buzzing with debate and discussion over the pros and cons of each candidate, with Bradley Cooper seeming to emerge as the favorite, fresh off his star-turning performance in “The Hangover.” No offense to Ryan Reynolds, but he seemed pretty locked in at Fox for their planned Deadpool spin-off, 
stemming from all the money people threw away on the Wolverine prequel. As far as Justin Timberlake was concerned, The Kidd could have really gotten behind his selection, as I’ve really come around 180 degrees on the guy. I used to think he was one big pile of suck, as a result of his boy band days and the fact that he was able to nail Britney first, prior to her public craziness (just for the record, he beat me to the opportunity by a few mere centimeters). However, I’ve really started to view him differently over the past couple of years, probably starting with the fact that I just could’t not like “SexyBack.” What…? It’s a good fuckin’ song. Throw in “Dick In A Box” and a serious commitment to acting, as evidenced by his appearances on “Saturday Night Live” and roles in “Black Snake Moan” and other films, and… well, let’s just say The Kidd was wrong on Justin Timberlake. However, with the question being whether or not fans would be able to get beyond the fact that it was Justin Timberlake as Green Lantern as opposed to Green Lantern as played by Justin Timberlake, Bradley Cooper seemed to be the clear way to go. And, as usual, the clear way to go is usually the way it doesn’t, with Green Lantern being cast over the weekend, and the role going to the guy already associated with a comic book character of his own already.
That’s right… Ryan Reynolds has been tapped to play Green Lantern, paying Hal Jordan in all of his Green Lantern glory. Martin Campbell, director of two of the best Bond movies in recent memory (“Goldeneye” and “Casino Royale”) os set to step behind the camera to make the magic happen, with production on this latest DC Comics big screen adaptation expected to get off to a running start around the beginning of next year. Since “Van Wilder,” Reynolds has been trying to find a role that will get him to that next level, and this is definitely it. He’s 
always showed a strong charisma on-screen as a leading man, and this will be his opportunity to carry a major film franchise on his back for the first time. The Kidd is pretty confident that he’s up to the challenge. I mean, if he can convince us that he would actually have sex with Sandra Bullock, not only does he deserve an Oscar, but he deserves a chance to make this happen. Besides, what’s the worst that can happen…? “Ghost Rider”? “Daredevil”? Oh God… I hope they haven’t made a mistake. In any event, good luck to you, Ryan Reynolds. Hopefully, this will work out for the best, and you won’t fuck it up and make us hate you more than we already do now, due to the fact that you get to come home and motorboat Scarlett Johannsen’s tits on a nightly basis. Oh yeah… and also the fact that before that, you were screwing Alanis Morissette, which isn’t that big of a deal, except for the whole “go down on you in a theatre” thing. Did you know that song was written about the guy from “Full House” not named Bob Saget or John Stamos? So, that kinda means that Ryan Reynolds’ dick rubbed together with Uncle Joey… EWWWWWW!!!! Excuse me for a second, while I go throw up on myself. Anyway, what do you think…? Did they nab the right guy for Green Lantern, or would you have preferred one of the other choices? Also, does this make you happy that Fox can’t fuck up a potential Deadpool spin-off that was already in the works? Or, at least, not with Ryan Reynolds attached?
In other movie news, awhile back, The Kidd mentioned Al Pacino being set to take on the role of suicide doctor Jack Kevorkian in a biopic of the controversial figure, meaning it was probably going to suck, considering Al Pacino only makes shit lately. Well, it looks like the film got a bit of a credibility boost, with Susan Sarandon and John Goodman signing on now as well, so maybe there is hope for 
this thing yet. When Susan Sarandon is in a movie, you know the chances of it being really good are pretty high, just like when John Goodman is in a movie, you know the catering bill is going to be pretty high. Seriously… that is a big man. I mean, how is he going to fit on screen with two acting giants such as Susan Sarandon and what used to be Al Pacino…? No, really… I want to know. Is there enough space on the screen to make that happen? Believe me… I love John Goodman, but holy shit… that dude is fuckin’ huge these days. In fact, I’m pretty sure he drinks four cases of beer just for breakfast, right after he eats 30 pounds of bacon wrapped in some more bacon and dipped in grease. I remember seeing him towards the end of “Roseanne” and thinking it possible that he might just fuckin’ eat Roseanne, which would have been an incredible feat in and of itself. Then, I saw him after the show ended and Roseanne was missing from the spotlight and actually thinking he fuckin’ did it. Sorry, I didn’t want this to turn into a referendum on John Goodman’s immense immenseness, but, well, it is what it is. Either way, Sarandon is like one step away from Meryl Streep, so her contributions here are welcome, and John Goodman… well, anyone who can make me still sit down and be entertained watching “King Ralph” is A-OK in my book. Besides, Pacino needs all the help he can get at this point in his career. HOO-AH!!!
Does anyone remember playing with an action figure named Max Steel when they were a kid? Me neither, but apparently Paramount does, planning to make a movie about the toy, because that’s what studios do now. If you thoughts 
“Transformers” and “G.I. Joe” were the start of something good, just wait until we get “Strawberry Shortcake,” “My Little Pony,” and “Rainbow Brite.” Yeah, it doesn’t look too good now, does it? Not when “Max Steel” is also on the docket. According to that credible source of information, Wikipedia, Steel had an alter-ego as a teenage extreme sports star, until he was a part of some accident that left his body attached by microscopic nanomachines that ultimately led to him having superpowers from receiving some energy those machines need to live. And now I know why I don’t remember it. I had stopped playing with toys in 1999… for the most part. But also, because this fuckin’ toy sucks. Nanomachines? What the fuck is a nanomachine? What kind of bullshit is this? Man, they just don’t make toys like they used to, based in some kind of reality that could actually happen – like turtles that mutate into teenage ninjas that fight crime after being exposed to radioactive ooze. Oh… and I forgot that they eat pizza and ride skateboards, like all turtles naturally do. See… that’s what makes a good toy, and then a good animated series to follow… believability.
Mary-Louise Parker appears in the August issue of Esquire, and normally I wouldn’t care, because I don’t watch “Weeds” and sometimes I get these actresses with three names all confused: Mary-Louise Parker, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Mary Stuart Masterson, Jennifer Jason Lee, 
Rachel Leigh Cook, Evan Rachel Wood… fuck… is there like three columns of names that everyone picks from and they just mix and match as they see fit. However, who was I talking about again…? I lost which one it was again. Oh, yeah… Mary-Louise Parker has a pictorial in the mag, in which she appears naked, wearing nothing but an apron, in the kitchen, baking pies… you know, the way it should be. I don’t know what she has to say or what she is looking to promote, but The Kidd will support whatever cause an attractive bare-assed woman is behind… especially when there are baked goods involved. I wouldn’t normally support this cooking technique, like at your local supermarket bakery, but here I’ll make an exception. What…? She’s in favor of killing puppies…? That’s cool with me, as long as she is serving her argument up to me with some cupcakes and a naked ass. Mmmm… can I get a glass of milk here?
As if Michael Jackson’s legacy hasn’t been tarnished enough already, Page Six is reporting that Ashlee Simpson and her crazy dad Joe are tossing around ideas to kickstart her music career. One of those ideas – an album of Michael Jackson covers. Seriously…? WHAT THE FUCK, man?! Why not just find out where Michael Jackson is buried and pop a squat over his grave for the album cover, while you’re at it. Oh, or you could just go and punch his kids in the face while you’re at it. You know… real classy stuff that would be right on par with making a 
record of Michael Jackson songs, particularly when you have musical talent or ability whatsoever. It’s bad enough someone gave this chick a role on the new “Melrose Place” considering her inability to act, but this is too far. No Simpson should ever be allowed to sing any Michael Jackson song ever… never ever. Not Ashlee Simpson… not Joe Simpson… not Jessica Simpson… not O.J., well… maybe O.J. Simpson. In fact, yes… O.J. Simpson. I would totally buy that. I mean, sure, he killed two people, but tell me you don’t want to hear O.J. do an entire album of Michael Jackson as badly as you want to hear Mike Tyson do Phil Collins’ greatest hits after seeing “The Hangover.” I get the feeling we’d finally get some truth as to what really happened in his new version of “Smooth Criminal.”
Congratulations are in order here today, as over the weekend actor Channing Tatum and his girlfriend of a few years, actress Jenna Dewan, got married in 
Malibu. He’s the guy who was in the romantic comedy “Fighting” and is ready to star in the upcoming piece of shit “G.I. Joe,” while Jenna can be found looking hot in that Antonio Banderas ballroom dancing movie with Rufio in it that The Kidd cannot not watch anytime he sees it on… ummm… I mean… fuck dancing!!!
I apologize for leaving everyone hanging on Friday, but not really. However, to make it up to you, there’s some good stuff planned here over the next couple of days that should keep The Kidd busy, and you entertained. It already started with my review of “Bruno.” However, there is still more to come. The Kidd will be checking out the next installment of Harry Potter tonight, so you can expect to see “The Kidd Vs. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” waiting for your eyes’ attention tomorrow morning. And, in case you’ve missed it the past couple of weeks, we’ve got another preview episode of Infamous Radio scheduled for tomorrow night, at 8:00 p.m. EST. We’re still working out some of the technical issues and some of the bugs that may have gotten you last week. But we think we’ve smoothed out a few things from last week’s endeavor, so that should make for a nicer ride for you tomorrow night in listening to The Kidd’s march towards an official launch of Infamous Radio. Tune in and listen, and don’t be afraid to call in and talk to me as we discuss whatever the fuck it is I feel like talking about tomorrow night. Hope you had a good weekend.
Until tomorrow…
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